Hopefully a Happy 2021.

First- a little backstory from the waning months of 2020.

A few weeks after I published my Covid 19 post I wanted to get another post published. Actually, I was thinking I could get another two or three posts published before the end of the year. However, each time I sat down to write I was plagued by an inability to get most anything onto the paper. I made several attempts. Sometimes I felt too tired. Sometimes I could not find a subject I liked. Sometimes I was too overwhelmed. Sometimes I was feeling a little depressed. Sometimes I was feeling burned out. The only constant in all that was the thought that 2020 was slipping by me and I could not get it together enough to publish another post.

As the year was drawing to a close, I became more frustrated and frantic inside. I really wanted to have one last post before the end of the year. On the evening of December 29th, I had an argument with my partner about a closet. This interaction made me angry and the next morning I got up and wrote about it. I wrote enough about it that I decided to use it as my last post for 2020. In the post I also included a few excerpts of the attempts I had made at writing the last few months.

An example of one of the excerpts:

I wrote on November 15.

Right now, I am holding my stress in. I am literally holding my muscles tight so I don’t unravel. I am trying to hold it together so I can keep participating in the world and with my partner.

I can do it… maybe. I have done it before.

The truth is that my insides have gotten so disheveled that I don’t feel. I don’t think I can recharge myself and I am sure I am headed for a crash. I need things to just stop and stay the same for a while…but that is not going to happen.

I had the excerpts together with my closet story and a little information about the last few months of the year. I was happy with what I had written and I thought it was a good way to end 2020. I published my post but after 20 minutes I took it down off the site. What happened? I let my partner read it, and after doing so we had another argument. She was hurt and felt unappreciated because of what I written and because I had published a story of an argument that we had had before we had a chance to resolve the issue. We had a few rounds of dialog on the subject and ultimately, I saw that her point was valid. She was hurt and I understood why. I thought it best to delete the post.

So, time ran out. 2020 is over and instead of trying to write another story I am going to leave it right here.

2020 was a weird year. I realize that weird was a global experience. I am happy that it is over. I am grateful for the wonderful things and people that I have in my life. I am grateful that I have a nice place to live and that I have the things that I need. I hope to make great progress in my writing and posting frequency in 2021. I want to get exercising back into my routine and I would like to be making money in 2021.

I hope that your 2020 ended well. I wish everyone around the world the best in 2021. May all your dreams come true.

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