I Have to Force a Break

Sometimes I wish I had a switch on one side of my ribcage that I could turn myself off or go into a sleep/ hibernation zone to recharge. Yesterday was an eventful day. I wound up having to do more things than were on my list and I pushed myself too far. I was buzzing with overwhelm last night so much so that it was hard for me to fall asleep even with sleep medication. Today I’m paying the price for what I did yesterday.

I had things I wanted to do today, things I needed to do. Some dusting, vacuum the floors maybe even steam the floors. I wanted to do some laundry and I need to go buy some flowers because my partner is coming home tomorrow and I wanted something nice for her to see when she gets back from her trip but I don’t have the energy to do much of anything. It took me two hours of sitting on the couch doing nothing to work up the energy to type about this.

I wish I could sleep for a little while, just a nap. Unfortunately, my mind won’t shut off long enough for me to get some rest. To add to my crappy feeling today there is work being done on the park across the street from me and the people working there have been using blowers and street cleaners to get rid of unwanted leaves and small scraps of trash. Even with the windows closed it’s loud.  One of the things I absolutely hate are street cleaning trucks. I hate their shape. I hate the sound they make. I hate when their scrubbers are scrubbing the asphalt. I cover my ears, cross the street, or run to get away from them. There have been two outside of my house for a few hours now. Not even the Bose noise canceling really helps. Although, when I play music through them it makes it tolerable. I have been listening to Billie Eilish on repeat all day today. Sometimes when I get stressed, I will play the same song or group of songs over and over. It’s another form of stimming for me.

Even though I am tired I would say that today was a heavy stimming day. My body just moves the way it wants. I don’t really care because I am the only person here today. The sun is out and the light in the house is very nice. We had some rain and dark clouds this morning but it all cleared away. I guess I will just sit on the couch and watch the light change for a while and hope that I don’t forget to eat. Yesterday, I did order a special kind of vitamin drink that will give me nutrients in case I forget to eat or intentionally skip a meal. All I have to do is add water to a powder and drink it. I’ll write more about it once the package gets delivered and I try it.

That’s it for now. Eventually it will be night time and I will force myself to sleep. Please feel free to write back to me. It would be nice to read about how other people’s day went.